His' Eyes

For my convections and past experiences, I choice not to go to bars. Even though, I do find myself in one on an average once a year. I believe that God sends me there in remembrance of why I should not invest into these venues. My experience in the last 8 years have been: a fun time with friends, maybe some dancing and going home knowing I don’t want to return. Until this last time, God showed me something different. Here is my journey:


I get a message on the trusty face book, with an invitation from a group of my dear girl friends from way back. We all were getting together for a “Girls night out.” OH, how I need my girls... I live with five boys at this time, and MY testosterone level was getting too high. I honestly believe that my facial hair was getting thicker and my voice deeper.

My prayer on any of these occasions would be like: Lord, let the travel be save, and let ME not do anything that is wrong in your eyes. This time, as I got in my car with Jason Upton as loud as he could sing, I started into my 2 hour drive. I really enjoy this time with the Lord, I am in my own little world with my Creator. I wish at this point, I could say that I saw the heavens part and I could see the angels singing. No, that is not what happened.

I arrived refreshed and prepared to have a fun “ Girls night out.” After dinner, the plan was to go to the bar and see what we could find. <wink wink> As most bars we arrived to a slow pace and half of the patrons trying to get drunk and the other half already plastered. As always, I love watching people.

Within the first, ten minutes I had determined that in the crowd that night was a really drunk woman that was dancing like, ok I will say it, as though she was an exotic dancer, a group of guys that must of just got off work, whom were looking to get a little drunk and get a little girl and some regular attenders. I was prewarned that a guy that I went to elementary with would probably be one of those joining the crowd.

I have not seen this man for 23 years. But after stumbling a few seconds he remembered my name. It brought back memories of elementary and this cute little boy that was with high energy. As we sat and talked I didn’t see that innocence anymore. I saw a man that was so deeply hurt by life. I could see the tears well in his eyes when he spoke of not being able to have children and how his long term girlfriend left with the only children he knew.

His laughter tended to hide the pain and the drinks seemed to relieve the memories for the time. After talking with him, his direction placed me in a direct relationship with him and he already had us as lovers and maybe even long term partners. I will admit, I became offend as the time past. I even remember saying ”please, stop groping me.” He tried very hard for us, his classmates, to continue the evening with him.

However, the girls night out ended by parting our ways, for I had a 2 hour drive home. I said my goodbyes and settled into my car with Jason Upton singing so softly in the background. (Jason is so obedient. Lol)

I drove down the road and started to relive the nights events in my head. I smiled and even giggled out loud a couple times.

Then something happened, God gave me his eyes to see what He saw that night in that bar. I was taken back to my fellow classmate. I started to see pain that was imbedded deep into his very being. My heart could feel the pain, the hurt, and the loneliness. I remembered his eyes, the place that showed it all. I remember a couple of times stopping for mere seconds, caught in his eyes. The pathway to the soul. I could feel his desire to forget, to cope, and to find fulfillment for the hole that is so overwhelmingly large.

God whispered to me as so many time He does… Ann, you may be offended tonight by his actions but my child is lost and hurting. You might of saw my daughter as a pole dancer, my other sons as players, but Ann, they have not found me. Look though my eyes, and see what I see. My heart cries because my children don’t know me.

I sit here in front of my computer, with tears in my eyes. I have been exactly in the place of my classmate. Alcohol numbed the pain and the memories. A bar gave me hope that there would be someone that would come and fulfill the hole in my deep being. The three months that I chased this reality, I never found any thing but a quick fix and always found more pain in the morning.

I was a lucky one that it was such a short period of time. God cried out and I heard him. Over the last 8 years, He has ministered to so much of my pain. My heart is being healed and I have found that HE IS THE ONLY ONETHING THAT WILL FILL THAT HOLE, everything else is temporary.

I wish I could say that I talked my classmate into knowing God. I wish I could even say that I seen the people in that bar that night with the loving eyes of God. I didn’t. I might of lost that opportunity for you… YES, YOU the one that is reading this blog.

No matter where you are in life, there is pain in your heart. God, our father, wants to tell you that He is calling your name. Listen…. He is there waiting for you to hear Him. He is ready to fill the hole and mend your heart. Cry out to Him and allow Him to rescue you.

The only way I see to end this post is with a prayer:

Dear Heavenly father, I ask that you be with your children that desperately need you to fill them. Show them that no sin is to big or that there is nothing to wrong. That you love them unconditionally. And that they are worthy of it. I ask, oh heavenly Father, that you will show them how you see them though your eyes. May my classmate hear your voice, along with all the other bar patrons. Also, Lord I have a friend that sits here tonight reading this post that needs to hear from you too. Lord, thank you for your faithfulness, your forgiveness and your grace. Thank you for letting me hear and healing my heart and doing the same with all your children that will listen and cry out to you. I give all glory to you. In Jesus name I pray.. Amen

Psalm 91:14-15 (NIV)
"Because he loves me," says the LORD, "I will rescue him;
I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name.
He will call upon me, and I will answer him;
I will be with him in trouble,
I will deliver him and honor him.