Wedding Story (3 minute version)

Yesterday, I was going through some court records, and I found this testimony that I wrote when I was married. I giggle because my ex husband tried to use it as evidence that I was a church freak and an alcoholic ( his exact words). I giggle because God throughout this journey showed me every step that He was right there with me by silly things like this. :0)
Anyway, the original is 6 pages long. I condensed it but did not change it at all. I will tell you the other parts as time goes on. Let the journey begin…

Written July 25, 2003

Before I start with my story, I pray that you are blessed for reading this and you find comfort and strength within it. It doesn’t matter if you are a man or a woman, married or single, walking with Christ or non-believer, I think this story has been passed to you for a reason. There is too many of us that is living, has lived, or knows of someone living my story. As I tell my story, I am telling you it with my truths and it is written from my heart. My intentions are not to offend anyone. With that said, here it goes…

I am a 29 year old, married mother. I have two natural born children and 4 stepchildren. I have known my husband for 9 years and 1 week as of today. We will be married 7 years on September 21^st. And we have been separated for 1 ½ years to this day. What went wrong? How did we get to this point? Well, I could write many lists of our wrongs. I could point the finger in many directions. However, there is only ONE ANSWER. I know you are looking for me to tell you the answer right now. But, I think you need to hear more of my story.
My husband and I have always had a great love for one another and a perfect bond. Throughout the years, our troubles got worse and we built walls around ourselves that gotten stronger and higher as the time has passed. We both became very angry people, miserable in fact. We both agreed something had to change but we didn’t know how to change it.
About 6 months before our separation our house was getting pretty rough. In result, my miseries lead me back to my roots. At an early age I was taught 2 things:
1. Believe in God and God will provide.
2. Ask God and God will answer prayers.
I remember one day, I fell to my knees and prayed… “God, Help me. Show me that there is something better.” I know that this was a starting point of my journey.
It brought me to the point of moving out, December 22^nd, 2001. In fact, my husband was out of town at his families Christmas. He returned to an empty house. I know that you are asking why? I ask that myself many times…. I know that I was at my lowest part of my Codependency, which was my own living hell. I had hit rock bottom, so I had closed my eyes hoping to be lead by someone or something, where I don’t know? After the move, I woke up to the emptiness and loneness. During the time my codependency was the strongest, I viewed my husband and my mother to be my strengths, without them I didn’t function. In the transaction, I was leaving my one strength ( my husband) and my other ( my mother) had found a new love in her life and moved on. Oh, don’t think that I am looking for sympathy or that I am mad. I know that it was the best thing that could of happened to me. This was one of my turning points.
Well, back to my husband, you could image he was devastated when he returned home. Who could blame him? Even though I am deeply sorry now for hurting him. At the time, I was filled with my own hurt. That hurt was my only focus. It blinded me from seeing what was going to happen in result.
After the first days of separation, we were both at a loss. We had attended a counseling session with in the first few months. My husband says that it didn’t do anything for him but we have to agree that it changed our lives. Within the session, I was handed a book called Codependency: No More and Beyond Codependency. This started my road to recovery.
In June, shortly after counseling, my husband wanted to get a divorce. I will admit I saw it as a way to get away from the pain. Removing my wedding ring, I filed for the divorce. By July, my life didn’t mean anything. Even though filing for the divorce gave me a since of freedom, I didn’t care. My family was breaking up, I was a failure at my marriage, and I had no sight of a future. My light at the end of the tunnel had burnt out. At one point, I debated taking my own life. I got to the point that I was drunk if I wasn’t with my kids or at work. My walk down the wrong path is nothing I would boast about today. Many things happened that I regret. This lasted 3 months, then, one wild night put the fear of God in me.
I knew that the path that I was taking was not the way I wanted to walk and knew God was the place to start. I started attending church even though it was hard to get there every Sunday. It was hard to pray and see how God was working in my life. Oh, the fears I had. I didn’t know the bible, I was scared someone would ask me about my faith, I believed in God. I have since I was a little girl. After a couple of months playing church, I was saved on a night when I was alone watching the Christian television channel. By the end, I was on the ground weeping, It was the night I asked God to rule my life. It was the night I found my new strength. I can do all everything through Jesus Christ who gives me strength. Philippians 4:13. Even though I can’t tell you the date, I will always remember that moment.
After I started my walk with Jesus, and relying on our Heavenly Father. I saw that my marriage was headed into the wrong direction… I learned that God does not send hurt and pain into our lives, just challenges that strengthens us. I realized that my marriage conflicts were there to make me stronger. I desired to do God’s will because my life was now His. It made life easier because my faith was with Him. He gave me peace. For God alone my soul waits in silence because my hope is from Him. Psalms 62:5
My marriage has always been a big subject in my prayers and this last April after going back and forth, time and time, with my husband. He wanted to get the divorce and get it over with. My heart was crushed and I got on my knees weeping and begging to our Heavenly Father for an answer on what I should do. Wanting God to be so loud that I couldn’t miss the answer. It happened this way… The next day, was determined that I was going to church just to get comfort. I couldn’t get through the introduction music without weeping. The sermon happened to be about Satan’s Attacks on Marriage and within I got my sign. My prayers were answered, so LOUD, my answer was there. It was so amazing my tears left and a peace and smile came to me. I knew what God wanted me to do. The passage was from Malachi 2:13-16 within the passage the words” I hate divorce, said the Lord”. It was so loud, so strong . Our God of love would hate something. That is powerful. God even preaches to love our enemies. Matthew 5:43-48. So that means God loves Satan but hates divorce. Isn’t that too powerful.
After church, I returned home to place my wedding ring back onto my finger and determined to live out my Heavenly Fathers will. I prayed, I prayed, I prayed. I prayed for my husband, my family, myself, for Christian support, and the knowledge of what to do. If you couldn’t figure out what went wrong in our marriage. We didn’t have God. Our marriage was a covenant formed under God. Where we went wrong is that we didn’t have a family based on God’s roles of marriage.
As of today, my husband wants the divorce to happen. I see him still hurting though. Which makes it hard for him to find forgiveness. I think he is focusing on his hurt, as I did before. I know that he can’t see that the family is hurting also. My husband fears that we will go back to the “way we were” and I believe that too. That is without God and the counsel and support of others. I can’t tell you, today if our marriage is going to work or if my husband will ever try. We have a trail date coming up in 6 months to dissolve the marriage. Our time is limited. But it comforts me to know that our marriage is in God’s hands and in the long run it all will be alright.

　
I love the last sentence of that story. It will be alright because it is in God’s hands. I love it so much because, even though my husband was granted the divorce on August 14, 2004, with a no contest judgment, with God’s mercy and love everything has been all right.