My Will be Done

MY Will be Done

My Pastor in sermon on Sunday said… IF you don’t past the tests that God has for you, He will allow you to take them again. I have sat and pondered on that statement. If you think about it, that is a good reason that we tend to have the same old situations in our lives. We seem not to get the point, it’s insanity, Right. When we do the same thing over and over, thinking that we are going to get a different result.

I also think that we tend to make our own ways, because we know best. I must of missed living a normal teenage life. I seem to get that little cocky attitude with the song from Bon Jovi… “IT’S MY LIFE, it’s Now or Never” screaming in my head. A funny thing is a line of that songs is : “Tomorrow is getting harder make no mistake. Luck ain’t even lucky, gotta make your own mistakes.” Mistakes, I have done. Tests, I have taken more than once. Here is one of my retakes:

As my divorce was finalized, I met this new co worker. I real cute male co worker. <wink wink> Yeah, test number one, started with <wink wink>. At this time, I was a new Christian. My thirst for God was very intense. I was looking to know Him, searching Him out and wanting so much to do His will. My heart was broken by the division of my family. Meeting this new man gave me hope for the future.

Quickly as time past, this co worker and I ‘hooked up’. Even though, I was attracted to the attention, this man drove me, nuts. I need to say that different: HE DROVE ME, NUTS!!! Yeah, that is in a bad way. He would fill me with sweet nothings and move on to avoidance. I was confused, anxious, sad, happy, and content all rolled into one missed up burrito. This relationship was a quick one, because he just disappeared. He didn’t return to work, no phone calls, no nothing. The last time, I saw him, we prayed together by his suggestion. I can’t recite the whole prayer but it was about us and as time past that God would grow us together.

Test one failed, right out of the shoots I fell off the bull into the cow pie. I had not listened and followed God’s rules every well.

Five years later, I got this call in the middle of the night. Which was true to his nature, my friends called him, my mid night stalker for a reason. Five years, had past I had become closer in my walk with God. I had not dated, even held hands with another man. My focus and goal was to wait on my future husband. When I received this call, 2 things popped into my head. That prayer and my journal entries that I made from the last time, I had saw him.

My heart was joyful when he recalled how much he loved me and how much he wanted to marry me. I instantly thought God had to bring him back into my life for a reason. I knew how much I grew in the last passing years and assumed that he had too.

God’s soft presence would not leave me alone about the journals though. My curiosity became strong and I went in hunt for what God was saying. I no more opened the page and the journal entry said.
<<<FOR FUTURE REFERENCE>>> God has placed the word “deceiver” on his head. Here is a scripture that the Lord handed me about this relationship. Go from his presence, do not delay when the matter is unpleasant, for he does whatever he pleases. Ecclesiastes 8:3 (RSV)

I gently laid the journal down. Not knowing at the time, I was making a decision on how I would answer the test question. I held the scripture close to my heart and keep him away for a month. That must be how long it took for the Bon Jovi’s song to take over. The sweet nothings were flattering, my trust was building, and then we saw each other in person.

Within moments of agreeing to try, I was right back to the confusion. The emotions spanned the spectrum and that is not a good roller coaster to ride. I reread the journal entries, that where written shortly after and they say and I quote “ I feel as though I am being deceived.” REALLY, nuts, I say. My will is very determined and sometimes out lasts common sense. I have to admit, I stuck with it. God told me what to expect if I choose to go that way. I completely ignored that road and took my own route. I just realized it’s like me yelling at LOLA, which is our GPS. I seem to think I have the right directions. But man I have been lost more than once and I thank God that GPSs and God don’t say I told you so.

I finally set boundaries and he was not wanting to be a part of it. He drove off in a dust cloud one night and called one a few weeks later to hear my response, “You got to be joking me.” I haven’t heard from him, and I don’t know if that test was passed.

All I can say is that I learnt from this experience. I hope that if I am tested again, I will be able to pass without any troubles. I just thank God for His mercy, and grace. For loving me when my common sense is absent. It is empowering to know that we can make the choices that seem to suit our goals, dreams, or whims. But I also know that I am the first on my knees saying, Why God, why am I here, get me out of this situation.

God has placed the road sign up for us, we just have to start following them.

Isaiah 55:7-9 (NIV)7 Let the wicked forsake his way
and the evil man his thoughts.
Let him turn to the LORD, and he will have mercy on him,
and to our God, for he will freely pardon.
8 "For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways,"
declares the LORD.
9 "As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts.