January 13, 2011
Stolen Identity
The word of the LORD came to me, saying, “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.” – Jeremiah 1:4-5
As a very young child, I was taught who I was, just as you were. Life seems to mold you into an identity. Even though the identity is not 100% ours, we tend to claim it. I found that there is a theft that is stealing the truth, take a walk with me through my journey…
My first 3 memories are being molested, a big argument between my mother and grandfather, and my mother moving out of my father’s house. As a little 5 year old, the silence and confusion, taught me that it was my fault, I did something to break my family apart. I took on the identity of a pacifier.
The many years of a custody battle, molded me into who I was. Degrading comments from each of my parent’s houses towards the other parent, showed me that my feeling were wrong. Even though I loved both of my parents, hearing the other parent, that I loved very much, say such hurtful things crushed my feelings. I took on the identity of unemotional.
The years of being a pawn in the battle had taken my voice. I was silenced because it was easier to be quiet then to stir up trouble, or be in the middle. Along with developing codependency and feeling worthless.
Having a parent of a friend call me “two ton Tillie” and a close relative tell me how much I “stunk” and how “dirty” I was, as they ripped my clothes off. Causing me to develop a poor self image. I hated to look in the mirror, I didn’t like what I saw… my body or what was in it.
I left my childhood homes, with the identity of being a shy, unemotional, fat, codependent pleaser. That is who I was. I see now, how that shaped the years to follow.
I had a terrific fear of dating, because I knew that sex was all men wanted. I avoided it for the longest. Until one day, I became pregnant with my first “boyfriend” and evenly raped by him. The pregnancy was terminated because that is what he said needed to be done. When I met my ex husband, I secretly couldn’t believe that he would want to be with me, I was unworthy, fat, dirty, and plain out … junk. I did believe though, that there was some magical fairy dust that would be sprinkled over my prince charming and I and we would live happily ever after. As my co dependency arose, our relationship crumbed.
As our marriage ended, I drank a lot to find my way to an unemotional state. I had multiple affairs and gave into my curiosity with homosexuality. Even though, I was holding tight to an identify that I claimed to be mine, God started to show me differently.
A counselor told me about my codependency, I was taught how to deal with my emotions and I learnt how God sees me. How much He loves me…. Oh, how he loves me. He slowly has taking the my true identity that was stolen from me and giving it back. Removing the pieces of identity that is not true, wiping the mirror so I can see the beauty that He formed along time before I was born.
This has not been easy or fast, but I am not the same person I was before I met God. I am confident in the identity that God has given me. Connecting with my maker, has showed me that I am not a shy, unemotional, fat, codependent pleaser.
My dear friend, I pray that God will show you who you are. The true you…
God loves you so much, He create you in His perfect image.
(Genesis 1:27 God created man in His own image, in the image of God. He created him; male and female, He created them.)
You are wonderfully, perfectly made... So what identity has been stolen from you???
I have added the Veggie Tales story, A Snoggle’s tale to this post for you to watch. God bless you.
As a very young child, I was taught who I was, just as you were. Life seems to mold you into an identity. Even though the identity is not 100% ours, we tend to claim it. I found that there is a theft that is stealing the truth, take a walk with me through my journey…
My first 3 memories are being molested, a big argument between my mother and grandfather, and my mother moving out of my father’s house. As a little 5 year old, the silence and confusion, taught me that it was my fault, I did something to break my family apart. I took on the identity of a pacifier.
The many years of a custody battle, molded me into who I was. Degrading comments from each of my parent’s houses towards the other parent, showed me that my feeling were wrong. Even though I loved both of my parents, hearing the other parent, that I loved very much, say such hurtful things crushed my feelings. I took on the identity of unemotional.
The years of being a pawn in the battle had taken my voice. I was silenced because it was easier to be quiet then to stir up trouble, or be in the middle. Along with developing codependency and feeling worthless.
Having a parent of a friend call me “two ton Tillie” and a close relative tell me how much I “stunk” and how “dirty” I was, as they ripped my clothes off. Causing me to develop a poor self image. I hated to look in the mirror, I didn’t like what I saw… my body or what was in it.
I left my childhood homes, with the identity of being a shy, unemotional, fat, codependent pleaser. That is who I was. I see now, how that shaped the years to follow.
I had a terrific fear of dating, because I knew that sex was all men wanted. I avoided it for the longest. Until one day, I became pregnant with my first “boyfriend” and evenly raped by him. The pregnancy was terminated because that is what he said needed to be done. When I met my ex husband, I secretly couldn’t believe that he would want to be with me, I was unworthy, fat, dirty, and plain out … junk. I did believe though, that there was some magical fairy dust that would be sprinkled over my prince charming and I and we would live happily ever after. As my co dependency arose, our relationship crumbed.
As our marriage ended, I drank a lot to find my way to an unemotional state. I had multiple affairs and gave into my curiosity with homosexuality. Even though, I was holding tight to an identify that I claimed to be mine, God started to show me differently.
A counselor told me about my codependency, I was taught how to deal with my emotions and I learnt how God sees me. How much He loves me…. Oh, how he loves me. He slowly has taking the my true identity that was stolen from me and giving it back. Removing the pieces of identity that is not true, wiping the mirror so I can see the beauty that He formed along time before I was born.
This has not been easy or fast, but I am not the same person I was before I met God. I am confident in the identity that God has given me. Connecting with my maker, has showed me that I am not a shy, unemotional, fat, codependent pleaser.
My dear friend, I pray that God will show you who you are. The true you…
God loves you so much, He create you in His perfect image.
(Genesis 1:27 God created man in His own image, in the image of God. He created him; male and female, He created them.)
You are wonderfully, perfectly made... So what identity has been stolen from you???
I have added the Veggie Tales story, A Snoggle’s tale to this post for you to watch. God bless you.
November 22, 2010
Suicide does not equal Hell
I have one question for you… What is the only thing that keeps you from Heaven???
Please, take a moment and think of your answer. Knowing the true answer might change your life.
Walk with me through my journey…
I walked into my friend’s house, as I did so many times, finding her lifeless. I wasn’t shocked by her death, she was an older woman at the end of her life. Many conversations within the last year, she had talked about wanting the pain to stop and how she was awaiting death. Within that 24 hours she talked about, how she had reconciled everything with God and was ready to go home.
I went to bed that evening thinking that she was probably going to fall into deep sleep waking in God’s presences. I arrived with another reality. My dear friend had taken her life. I remember, standing in shock when I saw her. I don’t know how long I stood there.
Emotions … Every one of them engulfed me.
The hours to follow were mere blur. Police, ambulances, family, friends, memories…
Arriving home, with the only truth that I knew… SUICIDE EQUALS HELL, the guilt was so bounding. I couldn’t even move. I keep thinking I should of said more to her, I should of stayed that night so she wouldn’t of been alone. I know if I would of known, I would of never left her.
My only prayer was “why”.
Our faithful God, as He always does, shows us the truth. I had to make a phone call to an friend, which happens to be an ex pastor. I didn’t even have to say my burden and the Holy Spirit spoke right though him. My friend’s question to me was the same one that I asked you before. What is the only thing that keeps you from going to Heaven?
The answer is the denial of Jesus. That is the only thing that keeps you from Heaven.
John 3:16 (NIV) For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life.
It’s not sin, Jesus defeated sin by hanging on the cross and being rose three days later. Self- murder is a sin not a belief.
I have an idea, why she would of choose to end her life. The one thing is that I can not tell you the state of her thinking in her private times, the demonic forces that taunted her, and her spiritual condition. Only God can judge and truly know the spiritual condition of her soul and know her final decisions of belief, as in any case of suicide.
After hearing how the day before her death played out, I could not help but wonder why me. There was other people that could of found her after her last breath. Why do so many times, I close my eyes and see her face, lifeless. Why was I placed in the moment, why not someone else? I believe with all my heart that everything happens for a reason and there is nothing untouched by God.
I closed my eyes one day, and heard God’s whisper say to me. “See her face, don’t let her death be in vain. Open your mouth and go tell.” My life will be ever changed, I have a close relationship with our Heavenly Father. I just never told anyone. I now have a deep desire to know where my friend’s and families’ souls are going after death. So every time, I close my eyes and see her, my purpose in this event is right in front of me.
As a hind sight, I can recognizes that there was a couple of times she tried before. To be disappointed because she opened her eyes to me, not her Heavenly Father. I didn’t see her attempts before, I wasn‘t suppose to. Someone else could have been the one to find her, but I would of never found a new purpose, and been motivated to find a way to make her death not be in vain. Must of all I would of never had discovered that I carried a lie around so many years. The truth SUICIDE DOES NOT EQUAL DEATH would not of replaced it.
Overall, I want to say… suicide is never easy. It effects so many. After my involvement in this suicide, my heart has deep compassion for the family, friends, community, and all that have to walk down this path. It is hard to close your eyes to see the image of death, fight off guilt of not saying, loving or being there enough, or understanding why.
If I can give you encouragement in that, God is in complete control and He knows so much more than we can ever image. We don’t always know why, but He promises us peace beyond understanding.
Dear God, I pray that your peace be with the family, friends, community and all that walk down the path of a suicide loss. I ask Heavenly Father that you will make good out of this death, that the death will be used for the good of your kingdom. I ask that you will hold, comfort, and guide the ones that are overwhelmed with guilt, loss or confusion. Heavenly Father, we thank you for the time that we got to spend with our dear loved one, thank you for allowing us to be a part of their lives and all the blessing from their presence. Thank you for being here in our time of loss. In Jesus name, Amen.
Job 12:10 (NIV) In his hand is the life of every creature and the breath of all mankind.
Please, take a moment and think of your answer. Knowing the true answer might change your life.
Walk with me through my journey…
I walked into my friend’s house, as I did so many times, finding her lifeless. I wasn’t shocked by her death, she was an older woman at the end of her life. Many conversations within the last year, she had talked about wanting the pain to stop and how she was awaiting death. Within that 24 hours she talked about, how she had reconciled everything with God and was ready to go home.
I went to bed that evening thinking that she was probably going to fall into deep sleep waking in God’s presences. I arrived with another reality. My dear friend had taken her life. I remember, standing in shock when I saw her. I don’t know how long I stood there.
Emotions … Every one of them engulfed me.
The hours to follow were mere blur. Police, ambulances, family, friends, memories…
Arriving home, with the only truth that I knew… SUICIDE EQUALS HELL, the guilt was so bounding. I couldn’t even move. I keep thinking I should of said more to her, I should of stayed that night so she wouldn’t of been alone. I know if I would of known, I would of never left her.
My only prayer was “why”.
Our faithful God, as He always does, shows us the truth. I had to make a phone call to an friend, which happens to be an ex pastor. I didn’t even have to say my burden and the Holy Spirit spoke right though him. My friend’s question to me was the same one that I asked you before. What is the only thing that keeps you from going to Heaven?
The answer is the denial of Jesus. That is the only thing that keeps you from Heaven.
John 3:16 (NIV) For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life.
It’s not sin, Jesus defeated sin by hanging on the cross and being rose three days later. Self- murder is a sin not a belief.
I have an idea, why she would of choose to end her life. The one thing is that I can not tell you the state of her thinking in her private times, the demonic forces that taunted her, and her spiritual condition. Only God can judge and truly know the spiritual condition of her soul and know her final decisions of belief, as in any case of suicide.
After hearing how the day before her death played out, I could not help but wonder why me. There was other people that could of found her after her last breath. Why do so many times, I close my eyes and see her face, lifeless. Why was I placed in the moment, why not someone else? I believe with all my heart that everything happens for a reason and there is nothing untouched by God.
I closed my eyes one day, and heard God’s whisper say to me. “See her face, don’t let her death be in vain. Open your mouth and go tell.” My life will be ever changed, I have a close relationship with our Heavenly Father. I just never told anyone. I now have a deep desire to know where my friend’s and families’ souls are going after death. So every time, I close my eyes and see her, my purpose in this event is right in front of me.
As a hind sight, I can recognizes that there was a couple of times she tried before. To be disappointed because she opened her eyes to me, not her Heavenly Father. I didn’t see her attempts before, I wasn‘t suppose to. Someone else could have been the one to find her, but I would of never found a new purpose, and been motivated to find a way to make her death not be in vain. Must of all I would of never had discovered that I carried a lie around so many years. The truth SUICIDE DOES NOT EQUAL DEATH would not of replaced it.
Overall, I want to say… suicide is never easy. It effects so many. After my involvement in this suicide, my heart has deep compassion for the family, friends, community, and all that have to walk down this path. It is hard to close your eyes to see the image of death, fight off guilt of not saying, loving or being there enough, or understanding why.
If I can give you encouragement in that, God is in complete control and He knows so much more than we can ever image. We don’t always know why, but He promises us peace beyond understanding.
Dear God, I pray that your peace be with the family, friends, community and all that walk down the path of a suicide loss. I ask Heavenly Father that you will make good out of this death, that the death will be used for the good of your kingdom. I ask that you will hold, comfort, and guide the ones that are overwhelmed with guilt, loss or confusion. Heavenly Father, we thank you for the time that we got to spend with our dear loved one, thank you for allowing us to be a part of their lives and all the blessing from their presence. Thank you for being here in our time of loss. In Jesus name, Amen.
Job 12:10 (NIV) In his hand is the life of every creature and the breath of all mankind.
October 15, 2010
Agendas
Wake up
Get ready for day, drinking coffee in hopes it will open up my eyes and kick in quick.
Wake up kids and get them out the door, hearing “where is my shoes,” thinking I don’t even know where mine are.
Putting make up on, hunting for keys, and grabbing a snickers for breakfast as we run out of the door.
Yelling “come on, hurry, we are out of time.”
Push down the road, with the burden of knowing that I once again didn’t get the plumber called to fix the clothes washer. Reminded of the piles of clothes that are building, and dishes, bills and other things that are piling and becoming overwhelmed.
Having one of the kids say, “Hey, you need to sign this and I need money for pizza today“, as I sit in the line of parents waiting for me to move so they can continue on with their day.
I look at the time and see that I have only 5 minutes once again to get to work, and also notice that I have no gasoline and knowing that I can’t make it one more time to work, because I have not had time for the last 2 trips to stop for a fill up.
I stop at the closest gas station, the frustration of not doing it last night builds up in me, fear comes over, because if I am late again after warnings from my boss that today could be the day I am sent home without a job.
I pump just enough to get by, so I can be on time to work but knowing later that day after work I will have to drive an hour and half to get to your son’s ball game….
I know that all of us can relate to this agenda in some way or another. Sadly it doesn’t even include the work loads that are put on us in dead end jobs. The repeating of evenings that we are so busy that are kids are left to find their own ways or without one of their parents that are too busy. The heartache it brings within our marriages and other relationships. The stress that we experience, that keep us from restful sleep, the tossing and turning that haunts us not only at night but every minute of the day. The pressure that is placed on us to work harder, to do more, to achieve higher levels, to entertain, to be there in all matters, to solve, to carry burdens for others.
I believe that this is not the way God wants us to live and He has a different agenda for us. Here is my journey…
When I separated from my husband ( now ex- husband) I was working two job, raising two very young boys alone, and a big burden of debt. I had the whole world placed on my shoulders. I was the provider, I was the comforter, the strength, the worrier, the ox that carried the load.
I remember being so angry because it was laid on “ME”, but stubborn enough that I worked though it year after year to prove I was strong enough. Which the truth was that I was just tired, broken, hurt, burdened, mad and scared.
I gave myself this big pep talk every time I drove to work. I tried very hard to hide the anger I had as I worked in the pressure of doing 3 persons job and watched others stand around talking. I cried my way home to face the burden of raising my children alone. Most nights finding myself falling asleep on the couch with my kids wrapped in my arms.
I was so scared to quit my job, it was a higher paying and it was in my mind the only way to support my family and cover the debts that I had from my divorce. I remember being in prison in that fear. Until one day, God whispered to me. “Do you think I can do it? Relax, watch, listen and learn that I am the one that can... be confident in who I am. “
Even though it was beyond MY better judgment, I quit my job. I walked out in faith that God was in control and had my best interest in mind. At that moment I know that my obedience and faith in God broke the chains that kept me held back. God had changed our relationship, because I placed my life in his hands.
I want to report, that I remember cleaning my house and catching up on the 'need to do' list. After about three days, I didn’t have much to do but wait… BE STILL and KNOW I AM (Psalms 64:10). I even clearly remember a few weeks into it sitting and tapping my fingers on a wooden stool, saying to God, “ I will sit here until you guide me, even if it takes forever. “
Even though two months past without a pay check, the job God lead me into paid half the amount an hour than the one before. I never missed a payment on the bill, I never have went for lack, I have paid all my debts full, and my confidence in God has never been so strong.
I found that having less busyness, stress, fear and anger gave me time to focus on what God has to show me. I have been able to raise my boys on a part time job, without lack and sit here today with more than I ever had. I have been able to bless others because I am able to free my time and apply my gifting where they are needed. God’s council and voice is heard though the silence of focusing on Him.
It makes me so sad to sit and watch how the pressures of our society force people into busyness, and fear. Remember when there was Walmart’s that closed at night, even when you had to go to the grocery store on Saturday for your Sunday meal. I had a coworker tell me that he wished there was more hours in a day, I believe that those extra hours will be filled quickly with the hustle and busyness as the other hours that he experiences everyday.
Could you image the world if we would not have anything to do, if we didn’t have our children in every activity, we didn’t think that it was important to keep up with the Jones and that money was not our motivation. If we said “no” once, and that we choose to not allow the pressures of taking all the burden on for ourselves. If our faith, our confidence in God was strong, strong enough to lay our life into His hands. If we would be living in our purpose.
My dear friend, I don’t always get this right. I catch myself adding one more thing to my plate and finding myself.... Tired, stressed, confused, and frustrated. Which is when I know that I have just picked up the burdens again. But life is to short, our childern are to precious to not have a parent at home with them, our time is limited on who we bless and how many times we laugh. God doesn’t give us a mind of confusion, or a agenda of busyness. If Jesus walked His path as so many of us do, would He had been able to heal and minister to so many. He might of even missed He ultimate purpose on the cross.
I challenge you to make an appointment with God. Experience how He is your provider, the comforter, the strength, the worrier, the ox that carries the load. Let Him show you, your purpose, your new agenda and LIVE…. Your time is running out.
Psalms 81 ( MB)
6-7 "I took the world off your shoulders,
freed you from a life of hard labor.
You called to me in your pain;
I got you out of a bad place.
I answered you from where the thunder hides,
I proved you at Meribah Fountain.
8-10 "Listen, dear ones—get this straight;
O Israel, don't take this lightly.
Don't take up with strange gods,
don't worship the latest in gods.
I'm God, your God, the very God
who rescued you from doom in Egypt,
Then fed you all you could eat,
filled your hungry stomachs.
11-12 "But my people didn't listen,
Israel paid no attention;
So I let go of the reins and told them, 'Run!
Do it your own way!'
13-16 "Oh, dear people, will you listen to me now?
Israel, will you follow my map?
I'll make short work of your enemies,
give your foes the back of my hand.
I'll send the God-haters cringing like dogs,
never to be heard from again.
You'll feast on my fresh-baked bread
spread with butter and rock-pure honey."
I posted “Blink” by Revive to listen with this message
Get ready for day, drinking coffee in hopes it will open up my eyes and kick in quick.
Wake up kids and get them out the door, hearing “where is my shoes,” thinking I don’t even know where mine are.
Putting make up on, hunting for keys, and grabbing a snickers for breakfast as we run out of the door.
Yelling “come on, hurry, we are out of time.”
Push down the road, with the burden of knowing that I once again didn’t get the plumber called to fix the clothes washer. Reminded of the piles of clothes that are building, and dishes, bills and other things that are piling and becoming overwhelmed.
Having one of the kids say, “Hey, you need to sign this and I need money for pizza today“, as I sit in the line of parents waiting for me to move so they can continue on with their day.
I look at the time and see that I have only 5 minutes once again to get to work, and also notice that I have no gasoline and knowing that I can’t make it one more time to work, because I have not had time for the last 2 trips to stop for a fill up.
I stop at the closest gas station, the frustration of not doing it last night builds up in me, fear comes over, because if I am late again after warnings from my boss that today could be the day I am sent home without a job.
I pump just enough to get by, so I can be on time to work but knowing later that day after work I will have to drive an hour and half to get to your son’s ball game….
I know that all of us can relate to this agenda in some way or another. Sadly it doesn’t even include the work loads that are put on us in dead end jobs. The repeating of evenings that we are so busy that are kids are left to find their own ways or without one of their parents that are too busy. The heartache it brings within our marriages and other relationships. The stress that we experience, that keep us from restful sleep, the tossing and turning that haunts us not only at night but every minute of the day. The pressure that is placed on us to work harder, to do more, to achieve higher levels, to entertain, to be there in all matters, to solve, to carry burdens for others.
I believe that this is not the way God wants us to live and He has a different agenda for us. Here is my journey…
When I separated from my husband ( now ex- husband) I was working two job, raising two very young boys alone, and a big burden of debt. I had the whole world placed on my shoulders. I was the provider, I was the comforter, the strength, the worrier, the ox that carried the load.
I remember being so angry because it was laid on “ME”, but stubborn enough that I worked though it year after year to prove I was strong enough. Which the truth was that I was just tired, broken, hurt, burdened, mad and scared.
I gave myself this big pep talk every time I drove to work. I tried very hard to hide the anger I had as I worked in the pressure of doing 3 persons job and watched others stand around talking. I cried my way home to face the burden of raising my children alone. Most nights finding myself falling asleep on the couch with my kids wrapped in my arms.
I was so scared to quit my job, it was a higher paying and it was in my mind the only way to support my family and cover the debts that I had from my divorce. I remember being in prison in that fear. Until one day, God whispered to me. “Do you think I can do it? Relax, watch, listen and learn that I am the one that can... be confident in who I am. “
Even though it was beyond MY better judgment, I quit my job. I walked out in faith that God was in control and had my best interest in mind. At that moment I know that my obedience and faith in God broke the chains that kept me held back. God had changed our relationship, because I placed my life in his hands.
I want to report, that I remember cleaning my house and catching up on the 'need to do' list. After about three days, I didn’t have much to do but wait… BE STILL and KNOW I AM (Psalms 64:10). I even clearly remember a few weeks into it sitting and tapping my fingers on a wooden stool, saying to God, “ I will sit here until you guide me, even if it takes forever. “
Even though two months past without a pay check, the job God lead me into paid half the amount an hour than the one before. I never missed a payment on the bill, I never have went for lack, I have paid all my debts full, and my confidence in God has never been so strong.
I found that having less busyness, stress, fear and anger gave me time to focus on what God has to show me. I have been able to raise my boys on a part time job, without lack and sit here today with more than I ever had. I have been able to bless others because I am able to free my time and apply my gifting where they are needed. God’s council and voice is heard though the silence of focusing on Him.
It makes me so sad to sit and watch how the pressures of our society force people into busyness, and fear. Remember when there was Walmart’s that closed at night, even when you had to go to the grocery store on Saturday for your Sunday meal. I had a coworker tell me that he wished there was more hours in a day, I believe that those extra hours will be filled quickly with the hustle and busyness as the other hours that he experiences everyday.
Could you image the world if we would not have anything to do, if we didn’t have our children in every activity, we didn’t think that it was important to keep up with the Jones and that money was not our motivation. If we said “no” once, and that we choose to not allow the pressures of taking all the burden on for ourselves. If our faith, our confidence in God was strong, strong enough to lay our life into His hands. If we would be living in our purpose.
My dear friend, I don’t always get this right. I catch myself adding one more thing to my plate and finding myself.... Tired, stressed, confused, and frustrated. Which is when I know that I have just picked up the burdens again. But life is to short, our childern are to precious to not have a parent at home with them, our time is limited on who we bless and how many times we laugh. God doesn’t give us a mind of confusion, or a agenda of busyness. If Jesus walked His path as so many of us do, would He had been able to heal and minister to so many. He might of even missed He ultimate purpose on the cross.
I challenge you to make an appointment with God. Experience how He is your provider, the comforter, the strength, the worrier, the ox that carries the load. Let Him show you, your purpose, your new agenda and LIVE…. Your time is running out.
Psalms 81 ( MB)
6-7 "I took the world off your shoulders,
freed you from a life of hard labor.
You called to me in your pain;
I got you out of a bad place.
I answered you from where the thunder hides,
I proved you at Meribah Fountain.
8-10 "Listen, dear ones—get this straight;
O Israel, don't take this lightly.
Don't take up with strange gods,
don't worship the latest in gods.
I'm God, your God, the very God
who rescued you from doom in Egypt,
Then fed you all you could eat,
filled your hungry stomachs.
11-12 "But my people didn't listen,
Israel paid no attention;
So I let go of the reins and told them, 'Run!
Do it your own way!'
13-16 "Oh, dear people, will you listen to me now?
Israel, will you follow my map?
I'll make short work of your enemies,
give your foes the back of my hand.
I'll send the God-haters cringing like dogs,
never to be heard from again.
You'll feast on my fresh-baked bread
spread with butter and rock-pure honey."
I posted “Blink” by Revive to listen with this message
September 20, 2010
My Will be Done
MY Will be Done
My Pastor in sermon on Sunday said… IF you don’t past the tests that God has for you, He will allow you to take them again. I have sat and pondered on that statement. If you think about it, that is a good reason that we tend to have the same old situations in our lives. We seem not to get the point, it’s insanity, Right. When we do the same thing over and over, thinking that we are going to get a different result.
I also think that we tend to make our own ways, because we know best. I must of missed living a normal teenage life. I seem to get that little cocky attitude with the song from Bon Jovi… “IT’S MY LIFE, it’s Now or Never” screaming in my head. A funny thing is a line of that songs is : “Tomorrow is getting harder make no mistake. Luck ain’t even lucky, gotta make your own mistakes.” Mistakes, I have done. Tests, I have taken more than once. Here is one of my retakes:
As my divorce was finalized, I met this new co worker. I real cute male co worker. <wink wink> Yeah, test number one, started with <wink wink>. At this time, I was a new Christian. My thirst for God was very intense. I was looking to know Him, searching Him out and wanting so much to do His will. My heart was broken by the division of my family. Meeting this new man gave me hope for the future.
Quickly as time past, this co worker and I ‘hooked up’. Even though, I was attracted to the attention, this man drove me, nuts. I need to say that different: HE DROVE ME, NUTS!!! Yeah, that is in a bad way. He would fill me with sweet nothings and move on to avoidance. I was confused, anxious, sad, happy, and content all rolled into one missed up burrito. This relationship was a quick one, because he just disappeared. He didn’t return to work, no phone calls, no nothing. The last time, I saw him, we prayed together by his suggestion. I can’t recite the whole prayer but it was about us and as time past that God would grow us together.
Test one failed, right out of the shoots I fell off the bull into the cow pie. I had not listened and followed God’s rules every well.
Five years later, I got this call in the middle of the night. Which was true to his nature, my friends called him, my mid night stalker for a reason. Five years, had past I had become closer in my walk with God. I had not dated, even held hands with another man. My focus and goal was to wait on my future husband. When I received this call, 2 things popped into my head. That prayer and my journal entries that I made from the last time, I had saw him.
My heart was joyful when he recalled how much he loved me and how much he wanted to marry me. I instantly thought God had to bring him back into my life for a reason. I knew how much I grew in the last passing years and assumed that he had too.
God’s soft presence would not leave me alone about the journals though. My curiosity became strong and I went in hunt for what God was saying. I no more opened the page and the journal entry said.
<<<FOR FUTURE REFERENCE>>> God has placed the word “deceiver” on his head. Here is a scripture that the Lord handed me about this relationship. Go from his presence, do not delay when the matter is unpleasant, for he does whatever he pleases. Ecclesiastes 8:3 (RSV)
I gently laid the journal down. Not knowing at the time, I was making a decision on how I would answer the test question. I held the scripture close to my heart and keep him away for a month. That must be how long it took for the Bon Jovi’s song to take over. The sweet nothings were flattering, my trust was building, and then we saw each other in person.
Within moments of agreeing to try, I was right back to the confusion. The emotions spanned the spectrum and that is not a good roller coaster to ride. I reread the journal entries, that where written shortly after and they say and I quote “ I feel as though I am being deceived.” REALLY, nuts, I say. My will is very determined and sometimes out lasts common sense. I have to admit, I stuck with it. God told me what to expect if I choose to go that way. I completely ignored that road and took my own route. I just realized it’s like me yelling at LOLA, which is our GPS. I seem to think I have the right directions. But man I have been lost more than once and I thank God that GPSs and God don’t say I told you so.
I finally set boundaries and he was not wanting to be a part of it. He drove off in a dust cloud one night and called one a few weeks later to hear my response, “You got to be joking me.” I haven’t heard from him, and I don’t know if that test was passed.
All I can say is that I learnt from this experience. I hope that if I am tested again, I will be able to pass without any troubles. I just thank God for His mercy, and grace. For loving me when my common sense is absent. It is empowering to know that we can make the choices that seem to suit our goals, dreams, or whims. But I also know that I am the first on my knees saying, Why God, why am I here, get me out of this situation.
God has placed the road sign up for us, we just have to start following them.
Isaiah 55:7-9 (NIV)7 Let the wicked forsake his way
and the evil man his thoughts.
Let him turn to the LORD, and he will have mercy on him,
and to our God, for he will freely pardon.
8 "For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways,"
declares the LORD.
9 "As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts.
My Pastor in sermon on Sunday said… IF you don’t past the tests that God has for you, He will allow you to take them again. I have sat and pondered on that statement. If you think about it, that is a good reason that we tend to have the same old situations in our lives. We seem not to get the point, it’s insanity, Right. When we do the same thing over and over, thinking that we are going to get a different result.
I also think that we tend to make our own ways, because we know best. I must of missed living a normal teenage life. I seem to get that little cocky attitude with the song from Bon Jovi… “IT’S MY LIFE, it’s Now or Never” screaming in my head. A funny thing is a line of that songs is : “Tomorrow is getting harder make no mistake. Luck ain’t even lucky, gotta make your own mistakes.” Mistakes, I have done. Tests, I have taken more than once. Here is one of my retakes:
As my divorce was finalized, I met this new co worker. I real cute male co worker. <wink wink> Yeah, test number one, started with <wink wink>. At this time, I was a new Christian. My thirst for God was very intense. I was looking to know Him, searching Him out and wanting so much to do His will. My heart was broken by the division of my family. Meeting this new man gave me hope for the future.
Quickly as time past, this co worker and I ‘hooked up’. Even though, I was attracted to the attention, this man drove me, nuts. I need to say that different: HE DROVE ME, NUTS!!! Yeah, that is in a bad way. He would fill me with sweet nothings and move on to avoidance. I was confused, anxious, sad, happy, and content all rolled into one missed up burrito. This relationship was a quick one, because he just disappeared. He didn’t return to work, no phone calls, no nothing. The last time, I saw him, we prayed together by his suggestion. I can’t recite the whole prayer but it was about us and as time past that God would grow us together.
Test one failed, right out of the shoots I fell off the bull into the cow pie. I had not listened and followed God’s rules every well.
Five years later, I got this call in the middle of the night. Which was true to his nature, my friends called him, my mid night stalker for a reason. Five years, had past I had become closer in my walk with God. I had not dated, even held hands with another man. My focus and goal was to wait on my future husband. When I received this call, 2 things popped into my head. That prayer and my journal entries that I made from the last time, I had saw him.
My heart was joyful when he recalled how much he loved me and how much he wanted to marry me. I instantly thought God had to bring him back into my life for a reason. I knew how much I grew in the last passing years and assumed that he had too.
God’s soft presence would not leave me alone about the journals though. My curiosity became strong and I went in hunt for what God was saying. I no more opened the page and the journal entry said.
<<<FOR FUTURE REFERENCE>>> God has placed the word “deceiver” on his head. Here is a scripture that the Lord handed me about this relationship. Go from his presence, do not delay when the matter is unpleasant, for he does whatever he pleases. Ecclesiastes 8:3 (RSV)
I gently laid the journal down. Not knowing at the time, I was making a decision on how I would answer the test question. I held the scripture close to my heart and keep him away for a month. That must be how long it took for the Bon Jovi’s song to take over. The sweet nothings were flattering, my trust was building, and then we saw each other in person.
Within moments of agreeing to try, I was right back to the confusion. The emotions spanned the spectrum and that is not a good roller coaster to ride. I reread the journal entries, that where written shortly after and they say and I quote “ I feel as though I am being deceived.” REALLY, nuts, I say. My will is very determined and sometimes out lasts common sense. I have to admit, I stuck with it. God told me what to expect if I choose to go that way. I completely ignored that road and took my own route. I just realized it’s like me yelling at LOLA, which is our GPS. I seem to think I have the right directions. But man I have been lost more than once and I thank God that GPSs and God don’t say I told you so.
I finally set boundaries and he was not wanting to be a part of it. He drove off in a dust cloud one night and called one a few weeks later to hear my response, “You got to be joking me.” I haven’t heard from him, and I don’t know if that test was passed.
All I can say is that I learnt from this experience. I hope that if I am tested again, I will be able to pass without any troubles. I just thank God for His mercy, and grace. For loving me when my common sense is absent. It is empowering to know that we can make the choices that seem to suit our goals, dreams, or whims. But I also know that I am the first on my knees saying, Why God, why am I here, get me out of this situation.
God has placed the road sign up for us, we just have to start following them.
Isaiah 55:7-9 (NIV)7 Let the wicked forsake his way
and the evil man his thoughts.
Let him turn to the LORD, and he will have mercy on him,
and to our God, for he will freely pardon.
8 "For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways,"
declares the LORD.
9 "As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts.