Father's Love Letter

My Child,
You may not know me,
but I know everything about you.
Psalm 139:1

I know when you sit down and when you rise up.

Psalm 139:2

I am familiar with all your ways.

Psalm 139:3

Even the very hairs on your head are numbered.

Matthew 10:29-31

For you were made in my image.

Genesis 1:27

In me you live and move and have your being.

Acts 17:28

For you are my offspring.

Acts 17:28

I knew you even before you were conceived.

Jeremiah 1:4-5

I chose you when I planned creation.

Ephesians 1:11-12

You were not a mistake,
for all your days are written in my book.

Psalm 139:15-16

I determined the exact time of your birth
and where you would live.

Acts 17:26

You are fearfully and wonderfully made.

Psalm 139:14

I knit you together in your mother's womb.

Psalm 139:13

And brought you forth on the day you were born.

Psalm 71:6

I have been misrepresented
by those who don't know me.

John 8:41-44

I am not distant and angry,
but am the complete expression of love.

1 John 4:16

And it is my desire to lavish my love on you.

1 John 3:1

Simply because you are my child
and I am your Father.

1 John 3:1

I offer you more than your earthly father ever could.

Matthew 7:11

For I am the perfect father.

Matthew 5:48

Every good gift that you receive comes from my hand.

James 1:17

For I am your provider and I meet all your needs.

Matthew 6:31-33

My plan for your future has always been filled with hope.

Jeremiah 29:11

Because I love you with an everlasting love.

Jeremiah 31:3

My thoughts toward you are countless
as the sand on the seashore.

Psalms 139:17-18

And I rejoice over you with singing.

Zephaniah 3:17

I will never stop doing good to you.

Jeremiah 32:40

For you are my treasured possession.

Exodus 19:5

I desire to establish you
with all my heart and all my soul.

Jeremiah 32:41

And I want to show you great and marvelous things.

Jeremiah 33:3

If you seek me with all your heart,
you will find me.

Deuteronomy 4:29

Delight in me and I will give you
the desires of your heart.

Psalm 37:4

For it is I who gave you those desires.

Philippians 2:13

I am able to do more for you
than you could possibly imagine.

Ephesians 3:20

For I am your greatest encourager.

2 Thessalonians 2:16-17

I am also the Father who comforts you
in all your troubles.

2 Corinthians 1:3-4

When you are brokenhearted,
I am close to you.

Psalm 34:18

As a shepherd carries a lamb,
I have carried you close to my heart.

Isaiah 40:11

One day I will wipe away
every tear from your eyes.

Revelation 21:3-4

And I'll take away all the pain
you have suffered on this earth.

Revelation 21:3-4

I am your Father, and I love you
even as I love my son, Jesus.

John 17:23

For in Jesus, my love for you is revealed.

John 17:26

He is the exact representation of my being.

Hebrews 1:3

He came to demonstrate that I am for you,
not against you.

Romans 8:31

And to tell you that I am not counting your sins.

2 Corinthians 5:18-19

Jesus died so that you and I could be reconciled.

2 Corinthians 5:18-19

His death was the ultimate expression
of my love for you.

1 John 4:10

I gave up everything I loved
that I might gain your love.

Romans 8:31-32

If you receive the gift of my son Jesus,
you receive me.

1 John 2:23

And nothing will ever separate you
from my love again.

Romans 8:38-39

Come home and I'll throw the biggest party
heaven has ever seen.

Luke 15:7

I have always been Father,
and will always be Father.

Ephesians 3:14-15

My question is…
Will you be my child?

John 1:12-13

I am waiting for you.

Luke 15:11-32

Love, Your Dad
Almighty God

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Two Ton Tillie

My phone buzzed the other day… I had a text. Enlightened that I saw it was from a close childhood friend. I was very eager to see what she had to see because we had not talked for awhile. My heart sunk and my mind instantly raced when I read the message.

The text read that another one of my childhood friend’s mother was very ill and needed prayer. Her life was coming to an end… I stood in silence for moments. My heart was being tugged, my thoughts were at war. A deep sadness for my friend, but a deeper sadness for myself.

I had not heard her name for over 15 years. My thoughts rushed back to myself as a very young little girl. Confronted with a grown woman pointing, laughing and calling me “two ton Tillie”. Now this woman was on her death bed, and God was telling me to forgive and pray for her. Here is my journey….

For the last year I have been struggling with weight loss and myself image has grown to blurry once again. Being sick and having found out that my thyroid was not working gave me hope that I could finally drop the excess weight. My hopes where high, I ate the right foods and exercised more. However, soon I was discouraged when I only had lost no more than my body had ever fluctuated.

I have been angry that all my efforts did not get me success but only defeat. My spirit has been trampled and crushed. I was aware that my thoughts were getting overwhelmed with what to eat, what not to eat, starring in the mirror and not liking what I see. Then back to eating whatever that I felt because my weight just stayed the same. My sadness, my anger, my defeat, and my self-hatred (because I just ate more) makes me eat more.

I could see that God was telling me that I needed to confront and conquer this problem that was becoming out of control. I could see that God was loving me the same, dropping convections into my life. I still struggled with food, and my hope was fading.

Then came the text… with no disrespect, I secretly hoped the words… two ton Tillie … would vanish with her passing. However, it didn’t. I prayed for her and my childhood friend. But honestly I prayed more for myself. And the little girl that still lives inside of me.

I know that at this time, I have been placing the words… two ton Tillie… neatly in my self image baggage, you know in the place where it is hidden. Having it’s presence but not seen or dealt with. I understand that not all people see me this way ( thank God, lol), it is how I see myself. It has been an issue all my life. I don't ever remember not using food as a crutch and not being happy with my body. I do think this experience has showed me that it is time to make that change.

I understand the fight has just began. Those three words are going to become empowering to me instead of defeating... I know with God, I will conquer and win this battle. For His strength is all I have…

Mat 26:41 (NIV) "Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the body is weak."

Being Real...

I just watched the excitement of my dear friend give her life to the Lord. She glowed of the Light of God. The tone of her voice was electrifying. Her story brought back the magnetic moments of my journey…

I remember the night that God lifted me out of the bottom of my pit. It truly is an event that is very hard to describe because of it being so personal and intimate. The fire that was started in my belly and the thirst for Jesus was so strong and passionate. Every minute of the day was consumed with my new found love.
Reading the bible, bible studies, church services, and talking of the new life I was delivered into.

To now, I am so thirsty and the fire is just ambers of warmth. I disappoint myself, when I think of God during the day and realize it was the first time. Church activities take second place to my children’s sporting events. I open the bible many times to start reading than my mind takes me into thinking about the days events and the list of “to do”. Sadly that seems that what my life has become. A “to do” list.

My heart is so very much in love with Jesus, there is no doubt with that. My mind struggles with the fact that I am not “there” and “there” is where I need to be. My soul is just thirsty, and longs for that intimacy…



Search me [thoroughly], O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts!

                      And see if there is any wicked or hurtful way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.

Psalms 139:23-24

Then Jesus declared, “I am the bread of life. Whoever comes to me will never go hungry, and whoever believes in me will never be thirsty. John 6:35

Oh, How We have forgotten….

Most of the American population has seen the movie, The Ten Commandments. Yes, the one that Charlton Heston made Moses easy on the eye. The story of the Red Sea is pictured so well in this film. As I was listening to the story retold in church the other day, I started to realize that it is very parallel to our salvation. Here is my journey… 　
　
　
There was many Easters that the movie was watched in my childhood home. The miracles of God showed through the stories that were reenacted. We discussed how God stood the walls of water straight up… was plexi glass what held the water?? And if you touched the wall as you do in a tent on a rainy night would it start to leak?? The idea of getting to walk through the path to the other side was overwhelming and quit frightening.

The story starts with The Israelites in bondage to the Egyptians….
Exodus 2:23 During that long period, the king of Egypt died. The Israelites groaned in their slavery and cried out, and their cry for help because of their slavery went up to God.

I remember the times in my life that I wept thinking that if there was a God, let Him hear and remove me from my bondage. We all were born into sin, it is our bondage. Each day I would face my slave labor, try to numb my mind with TV, internet, alcohol, and sex. I wake up hopeless and ran through the day with no purpose and find myself there again the next.

What is unknown to us is that God is preparing our path… the places, the people, and the events that will occur. As He did Moses. The obedience of Moses lead the release into freedom for the Israelites, as Jesus’ obedience gave us the freedom to bondage of sin.

Standing at the Red Sea feeling trapped and looking to see the army of death coming after to you. With God being the only way out. I remember sitting alone one November evening. Facing my Red Sea. My drunkenness, carefree live was going to send me into a deeper Hell on earth or to death. I was drawn to Kirk Cameron on TV for I had a crush on him so many years ago. At that point I was experiencing the same as Israel, a great fear and unbelief.

Exodus 14:13-14 Moses answered the people, “Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the LORD will bring you today. The Egyptians you see today you will never see again. The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still.”

I believe the moment I gave my heart to the Lord and truly believed, was the first step the Israelites took across the dry sea bed. The journey was so powerful, filled with awe and nothing could ever exceed that experience. My heart poured with joy and song as did for Moses and the Israelites…

Exodus 15:2 “The LORD is my strength and my defense; he has become my salvation.
He is my God, and I will praise him, my father’s God, and I will exalt him.

As God laid out the freedom, He asked of one thing…
Exodus 15:26 He said, “If you listen carefully to the LORD your God and do what is right in his eyes, if you pay attention to his commands and keep all his decrees, I will not bring on you any of the diseases I brought on the Egyptians, for I am the LORD, who heals you.

Why is the freedom from bondage so easily forgotten??? Why is loving your God with all you heart, soul, and mind the last thing we thing of in a day???

It seemed instant the nation of Israel was complaining about water and food. Even though God gave them everything they needed for the day. They started to feel like ways of Egypt was so much easier.

I hate to admit that the struggle from my old self was very real. At times the numbing and self indulgence is very attractive. My heart was torn by the new found love and the comfort of the past. As the story of the Israelites freedom from Egypt shows God has a promised land for them, that He tests them and that they were just to obey and trust Him.

Sadly, it seems that we tend to do the same as they did. Complain and never are satisfied with our daily bread. Look at our Egypt and wish to go back. Forget what Jesus did on the cross for me. Makes me think that we are being tested in our freedom of bondage. And maybe the reason we don’t get to our promise land on earth is of the same reasons.

The one thing that keeps me on this side of the Red Sea is because I remember what God has done to get me here and what He has done since then. I tend to forget to often and start muttering about my situations. I have learnt that it is very important to REMEMBER. Remembrance is the key. Each day when are daily bread is handed to us let us remember and praise God for bringing us out of bondage.

John 6:35 Then Jesus declared, “I am the bread of life. Whoever comes to me will never go hungry, and whoever believes in me will never be thirsty.

　
　
　
　

Speechless

Psalms 59:16-17 But I will sing of your strength,
in the morning I will sing of your love;
for you are my fortress,
my refuge in times of trouble.
You are my strength, I sing praise to you;
you, God, are my fortress,
my God on whom I can rely.
　
　
I sit this morning in remembrance of what God has done for me. Who He is. What He is to me. All I can do is sit in awe.

No LACK... GOD's got my back!!

# 2 Why should I worry about my needs when I know that God will take care of all my needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus? (Philippians 4:19)

And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus.

 Philippians 4:19 (NIV)

Eight days I have been home with kids without pay. When I found out that the flu had hit our house I knew with five kids living under my roof I could be in for the long haul. As the only income into the house is through me the first thing I thought was “oh no, what about my paycheck!!!”

Then a settle peace came over me because I have sat in a deeper debt once in my life. And God provided all that I needed at that time….

When I separated from my husband and took on the full responsibility of a house and my children, there was a large debt attached to the marriage. Since my kids where still young that meant that I had to pay for daycare. The financial burden was great.

I remember as a new Christian learning quickly that God supplied all that I needed. He may not of handed me the new quarter of a million dollar home or brand new mustang that I would of looked really good in. But He did supply everything that I needed.

I don’t ever remember going hungry, unclothed, cold or unsheltered. I do remember the time that my van was stalling ever time it rained, but knew that my finances and credit could not support a different vehicle. Because I had went into the bank for a loan a month before. And one day God had me stop to look at a different vehicle that I ended up paying $10 less a month on payment.

There also was a time that I sat on my back porch facing the electricity being cut off. Laying it in God’s hands before I went to bed. The next morning going to the mailbox finding a refund check for an overpayment for the exact price of the bill owed. Still today when I get an unexpected check I think of how God supplies all your needs.

There was a time that I had a complete stranger walk up to me and hand me a check for the amount that I needed for another bill. She would of never known the burden of my heart at the time and why would you ever had anyone $98. Wouldn’t you round it up to $100. It is because it was God writing that check. He knew exactly what I needed.

God has been this way always, look at Abraham when God provided a new sacrifice to replace Isaac, or those many years in the desert for the Hebrews after coming out of Egypt, and do we forget how He provided for Joseph and his family.

Before I close, personally think I need to add, that I learnt how to tithe and do it willingly. Which that could be a whole other story. But lean on God for all your needs… He will take care of you as a father takes care of his children and a shepherd takes care of his flock. I know that I would not have gotten though it without God. Thank you, Lord, for blessing me.

I don’t fear lack because God has shown me that He has my back. So this time away from work taking care of my house.. God is taking care of us too….
　
God Bless.

There is a way out???

#12 Why should I feel condemned when the Bible says there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus? (Romans 8:1)

Romans 8:1 (NIV) Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus..

Last week, I came aware that there was a secret being kept in my house. With a little investigation I found out that my youngest son, cursed at a couple of the boys in my house to get them to settle down and to be quiet then threatened to break their toys if the “secret” was told to me.

I could see an attitude change of my youngest within the last week. He was tightly wound and on the edge at all times. I couldn’t pin point the reason, but again I didn’t know this secret that laid on his heart.

With the knowledge of this secret I sat all five boys down to teach a lesson of grace and forgiveness. I started that there are two kinds of secrets: good and bad. Exampling that good secrets are knowing a gift that someone is going to get at their birthday party, and bad to be ones that should be said because someone could get hurt or has been hurt.

I then went into what is not excepted behaviors. I spoke it in general because I really wanted to see the reactions on everyone’s face. I could see my son’s face sadden and sag into his chest. Then I asked “if you feel as though you have something to say, it is your turn to speak.”

He raised his face slowly and spoke up softly. “ I do, mom”. You could still see the shame and guilt on his face. But he went to confess all that he did in those moments. The pressure that was burdening him started to lessen, but until the boys involved forgave him, he was not totally free.

Later in speaking with my son, he said that it was hard to admit that he did such a bad thing to hurt someone else, but he was scared that he would face a lot of trouble if he admitted it. So he wanted to hide it at all costs.

He was condemning himself, and feared the condemnation of me. I know that this is something I face as a walk with God. I tend to feel the worst of my motivations are too big for the grace and forgiveness of God. Holding onto them tightly and hiding them the best I can. Causing myself to live in a secret convicting world of my own.

Through the past, I have had to admit to wrongs that I have done. And learnt that telling the truth and being honest relieved that convection. The beginning of chapter 8 of Romans speaks that Jesus set you from the disapproval and sentence that is rightfully ours. Even though God knows everything about us: what we feel, think, and do. Because of Jesus’ victory over sin, God will not lay the sentence of Hell on us that the sinful flesh deserve.

My son was holding on to his mistake because he didn’t want to be punished and found when he told the truth, that he was loved and that he truly learnt a lesson through this event. As his mother I was very proud of his honesty, and could see that he had punished himself enough.

I belief that is how God sees us, as a child that messed up. However, His love is so great for us that He doesn’t want anything more from us than to love Him and to learn our lessons. So in our futures we don’t relive it again.

My question to you is what are you holding on to?? What is that deep secret that you are uncomfortable to admit too? Have you tore yourself apart secretly inside, thinking that God will never forgive you?

There is not secret from God, He knows what you are trying to hide from Him. He just wants you to know that Jesus already served your sentence for you. It’s time for you to be set free from it….
　
　
God’s love holds us up, comforts us, forgives, and processes to love us more.

20 cans of Success

The 20 "cans" of Success
Why should I say I can’t when the Bible says that I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength? (Philippians 4:13)

Why should I worry about my needs when I know that God will take care of all my needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus? (Philippians 4:19)

Why should I fear when the Bible says God has not given me a spirit of fear, but of power, love and a sound mind? (2 Timothy 1:7)

Why should I lack faith to live for Christ when God has given me a measure of faith? (Romans 12:3)

Why should I be weak when the Bible says that the Lord is the strength of my life and that I will display strength and take action because I know God? (Psalm 27:1; Daniel 11:32)

Why should I allow Satan control over my life when He that is in me is greater than he that is in the world? (1 John 4:4)

Why should I accept defeat when the Bible says that God always leads me in victory? (2 Corinthians 2:14)

Why should I lack wisdom when I know that Christ became wisdom to me from God and God gives wisdom to me generously when I ask Him for it? (1 Corinthians 1:30; James 1:5)

Why should I be depressed when I have hope and can recall to mind God’s loving-kindness, compassion and faithfulness? (Lamentations 3:21-23)

Why should I worry and be upset when I can cast all my anxieties on Christ who cares for me? (1 Peter 5:7)

Why should I ever be in bondage knowing that there is freedom where the Spirit of the Lord is? (2 Corinthians 3:17)

Why should I feel condemned when the Bible says there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus? (Romans 8:1)

Why should I feel alone when Jesus said He is with me always and He will never leave me nor forsake me? (Matthew 28:20; Hebrews 13:5)

Why should I feel as if I’m cursed or have bad luck when the Bible says that Christ rescued me from the curse of the law that I might receive His spirit by faith? (Galatians 3:13, 14)

Why should I be unhappy when I, like Paul, can learn to be content whatever the circumstances? (Philippians 4:11)

Why should I feel worthless when Christ became sin for me so that I might become the righteousness of God? (2 Corinthians 5:21)

Why should I feel helpless in the presence of others when I know that if God is for me, who can be against me? (Romans 8:31)

Why should I be confused when God is the author of peace and He gives me knowledge through His Spirit who lives in me? (1 Corinthians 2:12; 14:33)

Why should I feel like a failure when I am more than a conqueror through Christ who loved me? (Romans 8:37)

Why should I let the pressure of life bother me when I can take courage knowing that Jesus has overcome the world and its problems? (John 16:33)

(From Victory Over the Darkness, by Dr. Neil Anderson)

No Pressure...

　
#20  Why should I let pressures of Life bother me when I can take courage knowing that Jesus has overcome the world and its problems? (20 cans for Success)

 “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16:33

Pressures of life tends to be a big part of anyone’s life. It is the small naggin’ waves that seem to not be large enough to rock the boat. It makes me think of spending time in the ocean. The waves would come in, making you step back but not knock you down. Further more, after spending a lot of time in the water, your body tires and soon it is evident that the waves had an effect on you.

I have noticed that I can identify when the big trials and storms hit me. I am sure that everyone can admit that your body tenses, emotions increase. You cling to hope and your faith in God knowing it will get you through it. The big waves of life tend to knock you down, tumble and beat you up, and sometimes take the breath from you. I understand life is not easy, but because the hard things of this life are temporary and are preparing for us an eternal glory. I seem to miss seeing that the little everyday items are doing that too.

I have noticed they take more from me than the big struggles. I figure this to be true because I tend to deal with these little struggles by myself. Recently, I found myself pressured to the point of tears. Saying to my friend… “I can’t say it is one big thing but many little things.” If I was only dealing with behavior of the children in my home, I know that would have been nothing different than I deal with everyday.

It was the addition of remodeling my kitchen, being stretched between children’s needs and activities, making decisions on a new car, planning a remodel on the attic, work, bills, lack of sleep…. UrGH!! Funny how that makes me stressed just writing a uncompleted list. Whooo! Deep breaths….

Focusing on the scripture in John 16, I realize that I have been conditioned to lay my big burdens at Jesus feet and let Him take them, clinging tight to Him through it. But holding onto the little tasks to deal with on my own. Being hit and battered by them over time. This scripture is proof that I have it wrong.

Jesus is telling us that there will be pressures but He has taken care of it with defeating darkness at the cross. He did say pressures not storms or trails. That would be anything that forces against you, big or little. Take a second to think of what is pressing against you… He has overcome that for you.

I know for myself I am going to need to place those little burdens at his feet too. It’s not as though He is not a big enough God to deal with these things too. It is just I need to condition myself that all of my life needs

to be handed to Him. Just think we can give Him the bad things and in return He gives us peace….

Perseverance

 Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. James 1:2-4 (NIV)

Perseverance…. continued steady belief or efforts, withstanding discouragement or difficulty; persistence. Steadfastness.

I think of this word… perseverance… God gave it to me to focus on this year of 2011. Only 4 months into the year, I sit here knowing the amount of things that I started.. I have promised to myself, that I was going to get done, and stick with. And already have become discouraged to continue with.

I started the new year, encouraged to drop my extra weight now that I have started medicine to correct my thyroid problem. I could feel my clothing getting lose, the exercising and eating good foods was making me feel the best I ever have. However, this morning when I woke up I realized that I had went right to my old ways.

It is not that I don’t want to feel good, or even drop my weight to get healthy. It is because a shift in my families schedule made it harder to get to the gym… then came the excuses… then discouragement. My weight has been a battle all my life. And the lack of perseverance has made this journey a losing fight.

In all God wisdom, He has known that this is a word that I have been lacking in my live. It is so interesting to me that there is so much I can do easily… but the things that are hard for me are REALLY HARD!!! I know that the only way I will be able to complete this race is to be willing to fight through it knowing I have God, my father, helping when I fall…

My encouragement has come from a couple of inspiring men.  Here are their stories….

　
Derek had a loving father that started the race with him, and was committed to finishing it with him. God does the same with us. He will never set us out into a journey that He is not willing to take with us. To lift us up when we fall or to encourage us when we need it the most.

These two stories, have brought tears to my eyes each time I have watched them. The perseverance these men had is outstanding. I seem to think when I hit a small bump in the road, I hit a mountain. When all God wants is for me to keep stepping forward through the trail and be willing to finish the race.

God didn’t send me this far to start a race,  He sent me to finish it.
　
　

Peace.. In all this STRESS!?!

I learnt as a new Christian that having peace was the way to tell that you were in God’s will. Many times I have had peace in the storms, and with answered questions. The presence of God’s peace is where I would like to be at all time. It is as though there is a loving arm wrapped around you.. Loving, protecting, … and trust me, nothing else matters.

I recently had a new reality… it was STRESS!! Go with me on my journey…

I can admit that I have been really good about stress management ever since I have become a Christian. I know when to lay my burdens down, manage my time and to say “NO”. When I feel stressed, I step back to analyze my life to see what is causing it. Then take the steps to remove it. However, this time it came slowly and silently….

I had been needing to purchase a new vehicle for about six months. My trusty Aztec was needing a little repair, also our family of six could not ride all together because of it only having five seats. The Windstar van that I bought a couple of years back was getting closer to failing each time I drove it. It was a ticking time bomb…. Tick tick.

I started looking for vehicles, but each time my stomach started turning and I would give up. The nausea and headaches didn’t seem to be very apparent until the day that I lost reverse in the van and knew that I had to get a different vehicle, I couldn’t postpone it any longer.

Over the time, I had asked God for direction and confirmation, I keep hearing God say, “ I will let you choice.. I will help you provide for it.” So I would start the mission of looking at vehicles, confident and excited. To find myself, depressed and sick to my stomach.

At one time I thought that I was not trusting God, but I had no reason not to. When I purchased the Aztec, it was handed to me and paid in full by God. And that time I wasn’t even looking for a new vehicle because I knew I couldn’t afford it and didn’t want to strain the family budget. Trusting God was not the issue…

Each time I sat in the van, which was a purchase that I did. I didn’t care what God thought.. I am sure that I didn’t even ask. I bought it because of wrong reasons, and bought it even thought the salesman was trying to talk me out of it. Duh!! But that only shows how strong my motivation for buying it was. After signing the agreement, I felt bad each time I would drive it, I was not confident that it would get the family to destinations and each time I drove it something else went wrong with it.

I started along time ago doing my homework… I knew what type of vehicle that I would need for the family, I knew that the budget I needed to stay in, I researched different types and looked and prayed often. But that was not enough for me to gain the peace I was looking for. I keep hearing God say.. “it’s time and I am going to back your choice.” My stress level was to the point that it was very apparent. I spent a lot of time trying to figure out what was going on with the God’s and my relationship. I knew that there had to be lack of trust or obedience. All that came to me was more STRESS. I just knew I couldn’t buy it without the peace. I knew that I didn’t want to buy another version of the van.

Sitting with my stomach turning, God so softly whispered to me.. “You asked me to forgive you for your actions in buying the van, now it is time to forgive yourself.” How could I forgive myself??… I was mad, embarrassed, and frustrated at myself for doing such a foolish thing. I can admit I festered on the advice that God had given me, for a few days, that is until I got tired of being stressed.

In my own way… I forgave myself. That is not without chewing myself out and telling myself how disappointed I am. But forgiveness came… And the peace settled in.

I never knew that I was carrying stress around for such a long time. I never would of thought it was because I held on to my stupid action, so tightly and would not let myself of the hook and forget about it. The stress was effecting other parts of my life. The decision to forgive myself lifted so much weight off and cleared the fog from my eyes. I smile today with a vehicle that I had asked God for, to every detail. Knowing the best part of it is the PEACE…


After thought: I challenge you to think about the bad choices that you have made and see if you are still holding on to them. God will forget our sins if we ask Him to, and never look back. We need to take and do the same for ourselves.
　
God Bless

Matthew 6:12  And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors.

Obedience… OUCH!!!

When I started the road being a mother, I decided that there was two things that I focus on teaching my sons as they grew up. The first would be respectful and the other obedience. I found out quickly it is a lesson that I needed to learn also. Here is my journey…

The funniest thing happened the other day... I was joking with my oldest son that I read in the bible that I have permission to "spank " him anytime. I then showed him Proverb 29:15. Which reads as follows: The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child left undisciplined brings his mother to shame. The funniest part was that he went to his bible to find the same verse... He thought that I had a special version of a mom bible. But after discovering every bible in the house said the same thing, he decided that it was not fair.

The reality about that is God asks that of all of us. The scripture Isaiah 1:19-20 (RSV) proves that to us. It states…If you are willing and obedient, you shall eat the good of the land; but if you refuse and rebel, you shall be devoured by the sword; for the mouth of the Lord has spoken.

I know for myself, I am hardheaded some of the times… ok… for the ones that know me better… most of the time, I like having my way. It’s easy for me to see why we should be obedient to authority. If my boss asks me to do something outside of my job description, I tend not to put up a big fuse. However, God has asked some things of me that is not so easy. I always enjoy when God asks of me the things I like to do, that are in my confront zone. However, I don’t like when He asks of me to do things that are not.

I think of my boys when it is time to do chores. They dance around the subject the best they can, they make every excuse to accomplish the task at hand, and spend more energy avoiding then doing. But when they are done, there is a sense of accomplishment and the reward is present. Sadly, that seems to reflect me sometimes when God calls on me.

I want to say that I find myself being willing… until it comes to doing. I guess that is where the reproof comes in. I know that teaching my children there is a reward in the obedience seems to be difficult. And there was a time that the rod was appropriate as a consequence. I am sure that God feels the same way about me, and I know that I have gotten my bottom spanked a few times because I didn’t listen to God’s directions.

I look back on the times that I clearly trusted God and did what He said even though, I was tested in strength, in courage and ability. I didn’t lack of anything, because where I needed help He was there to fulfill the need. I can say, when I have been obedient to God’s request no matter how crazy the task was at hand… I had success, with the glory of God and I am reaping the rewards still to this day.

Even knowing all that, it seems to be hard at times to say, YES!. But I realized that it is a lack of faith that keeps me from running towards the task, screaming… YES!! YES!!. Faith is our trust in the ability and love of our heavenly Father. Trusting that He will not lead us in the way of destruction. I know that I would never ask my children to do anything that would lead them into harm. Why would my heavenly father lead me wrong?

Obedience is wrapped around faith. Faith is trusting in the unseen. It really all comes down to taking the steps forward, with the blindfold on, knowing that your heavenly Father is going to protect and guide you, and remove any obstacle that is in your way. Arriving at the destination that when the blindfold is removed you will reap of the goods of the land…

My prayer is that our hearts will be open to trusting when we can not see or understand. That the words of our heart will be, Yes!! to all of God’s directions and requests. Let us be faithful as God is faithful to us. Let us stand in victory over all that asked of us. And May God forgive us for the time times that we were disobedient. Thank you God for the love you have for us, that are not worthy. In Jesus name I pray.. Amen

Be aware of your disobedience, and say YES!!! to God. Close your eyes and take the first step, the ones to follow will be much easier. I am positive that you will reap the benefit at the end of the journey.

God will never ask of you for something that He is not willing to supply you with.

May God Bless you always…

A Pep Talk for You

Sometimes I find myself down, lost, unmoved and overall… blah. I still have my faith, my heart is still madly in love with our creator, and personally wishing for some kind of fireworks… but in actuality it is just… blah.

It reminds me of pep rallies that I would attend in high school. Even though I was missing a portion of class time, the events were not on my list of enjoyment. But nevertheless, as the band started to play, the cheers rose from the crowd and the excitement grew, I found myself cheering the team on in support. My heart was enlightened, a smile on my face and the confidence abound that our team would be the victors.

I find playing on the team for Christ, we also need our pep talks on occasion too.

In Ephesians chapter one, you can just imagine Paul with a mic in hand, delivering this address with the song, “We are the Champions”, playing from the pep band….

Ephesians 1:1-3 Paul, an apostle of Christ Jesus by the will of God, To God’s holy people, the faithful in Christ Jesus: Grace and peace to you from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ. Praise for Spiritual Blessings in Christ. Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ.

I praise our coach, for He is the one that has given to us. What would we be without his leadership?


1:4-6 For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love he predestined us for adoption to sonship through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will— to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves.

Our heavenly coach loved and picked us from the beginning. He had us in mind before He even made us, because he wanted each one of us on His team.

1:7-8 In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God’s grace that he lavished on us.

He sent His son to cleanse us and prepare us to be a asset to the Holy team. He overlooks our past failures and dedicated His abilities to strengthen us.

1:8-12 With all wisdom and understanding, he made known to us the mystery of his will according to his good pleasure, which he purposed in Christ, to be put into effect when the times reach their fulfillment—to bring unity to all things in heaven and on earth under Christ. In him we were also chosen, having been predestined according to the plan of him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of his will, in order that we, who were the first to put our hope in Christ, might be for the praise of his glory.

Even though we don’t understand the ways of the game, He has reveled to us His ways and the rules to follow to success and be victorious.

1:13-14 And you also were included in Christ when you heard the message of truth, the gospel of your salvation. When you believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God’s possession—to the praise of his glory.

When you were picked for the team, you had a choice to join or not. Because you had the confidence in what was presented to you and you placed on the jersey, God promised you a trainer to help in your development. With this trainer you are guaranteed a victory and your rewards will be grand.

1:15-19 For this reason, ever since I heard about your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love for all God’s people, I have not stopped giving thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers. I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in his holy people, and his incomparably great power for us who believe.

When I heard that you joined the team, I have not stopped rooting for you. I ask your coach to teach you all that He knows. I ask you to understand the treasures that are given to you because you are a part of the team. And the precious resources that are now in your hands. The victory is guaranteed by this power.

1:19-21 That power is the same as the mighty strength he exerted when he raised Christ from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms, far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every name that is invoked, not only in the present age but also in the one to come.

Your coach has won the greatest battle of all time, He has the trophy and glory seated at His right hand. He has the ability to defeat any of the lesser competition. There is no greater than He, for now and forever.

1:22-23 And God placed all things under his feet and appointed him to be head over everything for the church, which is his body, the fullness of him who fills everything in every way.

God has picked his team from the trainers, coaches, and players. He has placed all of us into positions to accomplish the Victory of the game. Now go train, get fit by the restoring of your mind and body. Prepare for the meeting of your competition, fore you are placed on the greatest of all teams and have all the resources needed to have God’s glorious victory.
Go Team Go!!!

With God, we are nothing less than the Champions…

Many Hats of a Single Mom

I wear many hats… as an employee, a daughter, a friend, a single mom. That list could go on and on. I believe though the most hats I wear has to be when it comes to me being a single mom. Here is my journey…

I became a single mom at Christmas time of 2001. My boys were two and four years old. It was as though I packed my bag with a new amount of hats that I would be wearing over the next years. As any single parent knows, there is many roles that are needed to be filled.

Cook, maid, teacher, disciplinary, judge, nurse, chauffer, comforter, head of house and bread winner. I am sure that there is even a lot of two parent homes that do those roles alone also. However, I have found that there is one hat that has been very hard for me to wear. It is the daddy cap.

This cap seems to be too big, no matter how I try to distort it. It seems to always be to big to fill. When I place it on, I turn into the character that is spilt down the middle - female on one half and male on the other. I battle with the fact that I am trying to raise my boys, as a woman acting like a man. And said like that makes it sound very frightening.

I have many of times horse played with my boys, just as boys do. Then wondering if I am actually showing them how to be a man, or if I am showing them how to treat a woman. The daddy cap is tricky one. In our case, the boy’s biological father has is absent in their life. They have seen him on a couple occasions and get a rare phone call. But they don’t have him to model being a man after.

I have been told that a woman can not raise a boy, by more than one person. Statically it is proven that majority of boys don’t succeed in single mother homes. It humbles me to know that I can not do it by myself. It has been shown to me time and time again that I am not equipped. But I know who is and I rely on Him to fill the hat that I can not. His name is Jesus.

I giggle because the story sounds so defeated, but I know better. First, God is our father. Even when our earthly one is absent. The love that God shows to my children is unimaginable. As their mother I can not even love them as much as God does. I have seen my children receive His love, His peace, His comfort. When I first was handed this cap, I had a strong argument with God. I yelled at Him, saying, “why , would you put me in this position, if I can never wear the hat.” He said to me, “it is not for you, it is for me to wear.”

It has not always been easy for my boys and I. But God never said it was going to be easy. Nevertheless, God has delivered in all of our needs. Isaiah 54:13 states All your children will be taught by the LORD, and great will be their peace. How can I ask anything more than that?

Without being bias, my boys are growing into very respectful, honest, trustworthy young men. I have been blessed by wonderful male mentors for the boys through coaches. Overall, the boys are learning a lesson from their loss of an earthy father, which will mold them into the fathers that they will be in the future.

In my journey, I am so happy that God told me to hand Him that daddy cap. It makes it so much easier to wear the bouquet of motherhood.

Why did I ask?!?

My prayers ask God to show me the way, who I am and what my purpose is… Every prayer has a plea for an answer. Then when He tells me what I have begging for… sometimes I say “Why did I ask!?!.”
Here is some of my journey…

Have you ever been so determined to have God answer a question to get an answer that you were not expecting? This has happened so many times in my walk with God.. . I have been removing things from the life that are distractions, like playing City Ville on Face book, long endless phone calls, and washing dishes. Dishes?!? Yes, dishes, I found that buying a cheap disposable plates saves me a lot of time in a day. LOL The wasted time has been consciously transferred into time spent with God. The presence of God is where I find a lot of my questions answered.

I can omit freely that I have been desiring a marriage relationship for awhile now. Lately, the big question has been, “ God when will you grant me a husband.” I was sitting the other day realizing that it has been 9 years since my ex husband and I separated. It has not been always an easy road but I always believed that God has always had me in the right place. Since my recent trip on the dating path, my desire had been getting stronger.

As the time passes, I have found myself asking the question even more. The answers that God has given me have not been my life mate in front of me. That would be way to easy….

God has showen me how my health needs improving. He has showed me that our relationship, the most important, is a demonstration of a marriage and it needs some work. Then the big one… He told me, what is wrong with me and the things I need to work on. WHAT?!? I asked for a partner not a mirror to look into.
I wonder why I even asked… Now I need to work on my health, become more intimate with God, AND work on ME.

As so often, my stubbornness perks up in me. I stomped my feet saying, I have been working on me for 9 years. I think that is enough. As God replies “Yes, and stubbornness is one of the things you need to add to your list to work on.”

In my walk with God, He has not always answered the questions the way that I wanted Him too. Actually, it was very rare that it happened that easy. I have gotten YES, NO and here is something BETTER as an answer. But, no matter which one, a time to wait, a sacrifice that needed to happen, or a lesson that needed to be taught has been attached to it. Nevertheless, every time I received exactly what I needed… at the right time and being matured in the process.

Even though, I have not enjoyed some answers, the waiting, or the self reflection, I have come to realize that God has my best interest in mind. Knowing that it is important that I must take the time for the things God has presented to me. To be obedient to his requests. And in some odd way knowing that He is preparing me for something great.

What have you been asking God for? Are you getting the answer that you have been looking for? Do you have faith that God has the perfect plan? Is God able?

Ephesians 3:19- 20 (Amp) 19 [That you may really come] to know [practically, through experience for yourselves] the love of Christ, which far surpasses mere knowledge [without experience]; that you may be filled [through all your being] [unto all the fullness of God [may have the richest measure of the divine Presence, and become a body wholly filled and flooded with God Himself]! 20 Now to Him Who, by (in consequence of) the [action of His] power that is at work within us, is able to [carry out His purpose and] do superabundantly, far over and above all that we [dare] ask or think [infinitely beyond our highest prayers, desires, thoughts, hopes, or dreams]--

Do you dare ask???

Veggie Tales - A Snoodle's Tale pt2

Stolen Identity

The word of the LORD came to me, saying, “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.” – Jeremiah 1:4-5

As a very young child, I was taught who I was, just as you were. Life seems to mold you into an identity. Even though the identity is not 100% ours, we tend to claim it. I found that there is a theft that is stealing the truth, take a walk with me through my journey…

My first 3 memories are being molested, a big argument between my mother and grandfather, and my mother moving out of my father’s house. As a little 5 year old, the silence and confusion, taught me that it was my fault, I did something to break my family apart. I took on the identity of a pacifier.

The many years of a custody battle, molded me into who I was. Degrading comments from each of my parent’s houses towards the other parent, showed me that my feeling were wrong. Even though I loved both of my parents, hearing the other parent, that I loved very much, say such hurtful things crushed my feelings. I took on the identity of unemotional.

The years of being a pawn in the battle had taken my voice. I was silenced because it was easier to be quiet then to stir up trouble, or be in the middle. Along with developing codependency and feeling worthless.

Having a parent of a friend call me “two ton Tillie” and a close relative tell me how much I “stunk” and how “dirty” I was, as they ripped my clothes off. Causing me to develop a poor self image. I hated to look in the mirror, I didn’t like what I saw… my body or what was in it.

I left my childhood homes, with the identity of being a shy, unemotional, fat, codependent pleaser. That is who I was. I see now, how that shaped the years to follow.

I had a terrific fear of dating, because I knew that sex was all men wanted. I avoided it for the longest. Until one day, I became pregnant with my first “boyfriend” and evenly raped by him. The pregnancy was terminated because that is what he said needed to be done. When I met my ex husband, I secretly couldn’t believe that he would want to be with me, I was unworthy, fat, dirty, and plain out … junk. I did believe though, that there was some magical fairy dust that would be sprinkled over my prince charming and I and we would live happily ever after. As my co dependency arose, our relationship crumbed.

As our marriage ended, I drank a lot to find my way to an unemotional state. I had multiple affairs and gave into my curiosity with homosexuality. Even though, I was holding tight to an identify that I claimed to be mine, God started to show me differently.

A counselor told me about my codependency, I was taught how to deal with my emotions and I learnt how God sees me. How much He loves me…. Oh, how he loves me. He slowly has taking the my true identity that was stolen from me and giving it back. Removing the pieces of identity that is not true, wiping the mirror so I can see the beauty that He formed along time before I was born.

This has not been easy or fast, but I am not the same person I was before I met God. I am confident in the identity that God has given me. Connecting with my maker, has showed me that I am not a shy, unemotional, fat, codependent pleaser.

My dear friend, I pray that God will show you who you are. The true you…

God loves you so much, He create you in His perfect image.
 (Genesis 1:27 God created man in His own image, in the image of God. He created him; male and female, He created them.)
You are wonderfully, perfectly made... So what identity has been stolen from you???

I have added the Veggie Tales story, A Snoggle’s tale to this post for you to watch. God bless you.